


We Can Think About Hope

by citrusella



Series: Citrusella Tries (And Succeeds!) to Write a Fic Each Day of the Bomb [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Coma, Episode: s05e23-24 Reunited, Gen, Spoilers for Episode: s05e23-24 Reunited, classic psychic ghost type situation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-07 08:13:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15214874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella
Summary: What's going on? What do we do now? Can you still hear me?(Or: The end of Reunited plays out differently.)(Or or: And He Doesn't Wake: Part II: This time with weirder angst! And more not waking!)





	1. Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> I succeeded at writing a fic for each day of the bomb! Yay! But unlike the others, this probably isn't a oneshot! Gasp!

"I need you to know who I am!" His eyes shut tightly in response to the cacophony around him.

"Impossible!"

"That aura!"

* * *

When everything died down, he opened his eyes, half-expecting to see the faces of his concerned family above him.

And, well… he supposed everything he expected to see was _technically_ there, but…

"I'm still here?"

The pink aura was gone. Everyone, even the Diamonds, sat in their places, their powers and weapons dropped, looking absolutely defeated, their eyes cast toward…

…His body, which was still on Connie's head.

He jump-floated, making swimming motions for extra speed, toward where he had once lain—where he lay now?—trying his hardest to ignore the cacophony of a different kind that was cropping up around him now, everyone's thoughts thinking slight variations on the same thing.

**Is he okay?**

He stopped swimming.

Am _I okay?_ Shouldn't _I be okay? Why am I still—?_

* * *

"Mom! Pick up! Please! It's an emergency!" She pulled the phone away from her ear for the fourth time and hung up. "Ugh!"

Garnet found herself wrapping her arms around Connie, poised to prevent the girl from taking on two giant intergalactic dictators again before she even realized she wanted to.

"Garnet? Amethyst? Pearl? Is he going to be okay? What should we do? Should I call 911? Or—" Connie struggled in the fusion's arms, not out of anger or discontent but rather out of dread, the kind of weak repositioning of one's legs or arms one might do when nervous or worried.

"I…" Garnet's lips pursed and she didn't finish the thought.

Greg spoke up. "Try your mom again. I have the feeling first responders aren't gonna come anywhere near… this." His voice sounded haggard, as if he had been fighting alongside them. He looked as if his mind was doing mental gymnastics to try to figure out the best alternative if Dr. Maheswaran wasn't an option.

Greg missed the days when the scariest thing that could happen to Steven was eating too many Cookie Cats.

Bismuth was cradling Lapis' and Peridot's gems and trying to eavesdrop on the hushed conversation Amethyst and Pearl were having, which seemed to follow the same topic as Greg's thoughts at present. The two kept stealing glances at Steven, Connie and Garnet, and occasionally the Diamonds.

No one was looking the gift horse of a couple suddenly-civil ruthless dictators in the mouth, but it was more than a little strange just how silent and still they had become. They looked half like worried mothers nervously eager to see a child they hadn't seen in ages and half like confused toddlers who had just seen a dead goldfish for the first time and were afraid to touch it, not understanding this new state the small being was in.

Not that Steven was dead or anything.

* * *

Steven frowned.

Could… could he force himself to wake up? He tried just closing his eyes and willing himself awake and…

Nothing. Something somewhere within him snarked that that outcome was something Garnet could have predicted—without future vision. The rest of him was more concerned with the matter at hand—he didn't have time for this!

He tried for option two and started back on his way toward Connie and his body.

Once he arrived, he lay… well, in _himself_ for… longer than he probably needed in order to reach the conclusion that this wouldn't be working either. But he was desperate.

When he was finally willing to accept that he hadn't managed to change anything, he stood and reached for Connie's shoulder. At the touch, Connie's eyes widened, but not in the good way.

"Connie! What's going on? What do we do now? Can you still hear me?"

She gave a single nod, but her mouth didn't open to answer any of his questions, only to take a few gasping inhales, trying and almost failing to hold back from crying.

His face falling further than it already had, he took his hand from her shoulder—trying very hard to ignore the fact that this disconnect just took Connie from almost-failing at not crying to actually-failing—and sat next to his body, resigning himself to the unspoken answer he'd just gotten.

He had no way out.

He was stuck here.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is lonely when it's too risky to reach out.

_I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry…_

Aw, who was he kidding? This was _way_ worse than snakes not having any arms!

He sighed. He knew deep down that the reason he wanted to avoid crying was that there was no one there to comfort him. It didn't matter how much he'd grown up before today; he was _not_ ready to be forced to cry completely alone in a void (really, was anyone truly ready for _that_?), and reaching out to touch someone was equally awful—he wasn't going to be responsible for making them try to comfort a sobbing _ghost_.

He tried hard to meditate instead, but it was hard to take a moment and find himself when all the thoughts that came were variations on _"where the hoo-hah am I, how do I get out, what am I supposed to do, what time is it, being next to your own self is weird!"_ Each worry that passed through him was drumming so loudly against the part of him that was trying to tell himself it would all be okay and he just couldn't—

Part of him wished everyone was still fighting, because at least then he'd have something to _do_ other than sit here with his might-as-well-be-dead body.

He lay down and closed his eyes… maybe if he did that, he could pretend he was just asleep? Yeah.

And just like when he was trying to sleep and Amethyst would come out of her room to raid the fridge, he turned over and blocked it out when he heard muffled talking behind him.

* * *

"You! What are you doing to her?" Yellow Diamond's giant index finger pointed right at the doctor, something that made Connie's brow furrow and her stance stiffen.

"He—!"

Dr. Maheswaran placed one hand lightly on her daughter's forearm and used the other to pull on the neck of the formal shirt she was still wearing, clearly nervous at the not-entirely-peaceful tone the very large being before her had taken on, coupled with the downright confrontational—though completely understandable—one from her daughter. "I'm simply making sure he's okay, trying to see if he needs further care."

"Please. She's a Diamond. I'm sure whatever… this… is," she waved the hand she'd previously had pointed at the woman, "she can clear it up on her own." Her tone was dismissive and her gaze looked down harshly at the group of gems and humans crowded around the unmoving form on the ground. If there was even a twinge of guilt on her face, she didn't make it easy to find.

Dr. Maheswaran pursed her lips so hard she scarcely looked as if she had any. "…Right. Anyway, there don't appear to be any outward injuries, but that says nothing about anything internal, and I just don't have the tools here to know that. Did it occur to anyone to call an ambulance?"

The group looked at her with expressions ranging from horribly deadpan to reacting as if she had ten heads, and the doctor sighed. "…Okay, so now that we've ascertained that he needs to be seen at a _proper_ hospital, maybe you… all… should talk amongst yourselves about the best way to go about getting him there without… drawing too much attention."

She glanced up toward the two giant Technicolor gems in particular before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.

She didn't get paid enough for this.

* * *

Steven wasn't sure if what he was feeling was rapt interest or borderline horror.

People weren't supposed to be able to see themselves from the outside, completely unconscious, their body moving only as a consequence of others' need to check it or lift it or adjust it.

The weird, interesting part was that he couldn't feel most of what they were doing—he felt a sharp jab here and there, sure, but without getting any of the lighter touches, it only heightened the strange sensation that they weren't doing the things they were doing to _him_.

At some point, he'd been changed into a hospital gown—he had noticed that change hadn't extended to ghost-him and he was still in his suit. …He'd think about the implications of that later…

The horror part was that people kept fading in and out of existence. He hadn't seen Bismuth _or_ Peridot and Lapis' gems since he'd opened his eyes and realized he wasn't at the beach anymore. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl had flitted out of existence around then, too. In fact, the relative silence of not hearing their thoughts or voices had been what had gotten him to open his eyes again in the first place. They had popped back in for a bit but had been gone again for what he guessed right now was some time.

The Diamonds had faded away too, at least for now, which was not doing Steven any favors in the not-being-horrified department.

Dad had shown up at some point, which he guessed he was thankful for, except that he had to fight the urge to reach out, lest that get a doctor or two looking at his dad funny like some of the recurring characters on _Under the Knife_ or something.

Connie hadn't disappeared yet, which was strange-yet-nice since he and his body were still on her head but cold comfort considering everything else.

…But it raised the question: What would happen when she was gone, too?


	3. Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven blames himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought you all should know that I actually have no idea what I'm doing.

"Yeah, so there's nothing actually wrong with him."

"What." Greg's voice was simultaneously deadpan and shocked. "But he's been unconscious for hours!"

"And the professional assessment doesn't disagree. But everything else—blood tests, x-rays, MRI, everything—is completely normal. He might as well be asleep. We just can't wake him up, and there's no good medical reason why not." Dr. Maheswaran looked through a file in front of her, managing to look nonplussed and quite surprised all at once.

"So, what exactly are you suggesting we do?"

"I'm suggesting _you_ go get some sleep; you've been up all night." Priyanka ignored that this was also the truth for her as well; it wouldn't be her first all-nighter in service of her job. "Honestly, if we could sort out any timeframe for when he might be up, I'd almost— _almost_ —be tempted to let you take him home. But then… even if we _did_ know when he might wake up, I'm not sure I'd trust all the people he might be left with to keep things from going very, very badly before then."

"Rude," he paused for a moment before quickly adding, "but actually, you're not wrong."

The doctor smirked. "Anyway, he'll be fine here for now, and that'll let us keep him healthy and figure out if we missed anything." She sat down the file. "On a tangential note, who were those two giant ladies? Connie's been pretty forthcoming with this gem stuff, but she's never really mentioned anyone like that."

"Uh… Diamonds. They thought Steven's mom killed Pink Diamond, who I guess is… kind of like their sister or something? But instead, she _was_ Pink Diamond, so…" He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, clearly unsure of how to finish the sentence.

Priyanka replied flatly. "Greg? I feel like for Connie's sake, and probably Steven's, too, we should really sit down and further discuss your… family dynamic sometime."

* * *

Steven ran a hand through his hair.

**There was no reason for him to be like this.**

No. No. There had to be a reason.

If there wasn't, then this was his fault. Right?

He was the one stuck here, the one who psychic possessed people's bodies and told them to think things and do things and dream things and—something about that seemed horrible, even though it had been what stopped the fighting—

Why was it so easy to do those things to other people, but he couldn't do something to himself as simple as _waking up_? Especially when there was _nothing_ keeping him from doing so?

He looked over to Connie, who was curled up in sleep now, and placed his hand on hers for a moment. He half expected her to grimace or maybe even wake up, but instead, her face softened and her posture seemed to relax, even though she hadn't previously looked tense.

Something about that got Steven to stop panicking, at least for a moment.

Perhaps he was overreacting. He'd never _tried_ to do anything bad. It just always seemed to come on accident. Which… wasn't much better but… maybe this was an accident, too. Maybe that was why he was stuck. Maybe it was just something he didn't have control over right now.

Just like when he first got all his other stupid powers.

He exhaled deeply and leaned back to look up into the empty void above him. He'd done everything he could. He'd done everything he could. There was nothing else he could do for now.

Well, okay, there _was_ one thing…

He hopped to the next statue over and opened his arms to give his dad a hug.


	4. Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven gets to talk to Dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet?

You never really get used to phasing through someone like they're not there.

_Or like_ you're _not there…_

He took a few steps back to separate himself from his dad, waiting for a reaction.

The man sat up straight, silent and looking a little spooked. He gazed around the room, as if he was trying to take advantage of some sort of extra sense, like that might help him wrap his head around what just happened.

He spoke quietly, slowly. "…Steven?"

Steven didn't know whether to smile or cry so he did a little of both as he reached out for a hug again, for the most part not paying attention this time to the fact he might as well be holding air. "Dad."

Dad let out a short chuckle that was equal parts nervous and relieved. "Help me out here, bud. Is this… what is this? A… Is this a gem thing? Or a hum—you're not a gh—well, I guess you are—" He placed his hand to his head. "Sorry for being a little freaked out. This is a little out there, and right now your old man has less sleep in him than Marty has compassion." He snorted, almost-but-not-quite laughing at his own jab.

Steven giggled a bit, himself, something that brightened Dad's face just a little. "It's… kinda weird for me too. I sort of thought I would be awake by now. When I woke up this morning, I thought the wedding would be what I'd remember most about today. Definitely didn't think 'oh boy, I bet I'll remember that Diamond attack'." He heard Dad sigh. " _Really_ didn't think that getting knocked out and stuck in a void where I can hear people talk and think and stuff but I'm basically a ghost was even on the table, if I'm being honest, here."

"Huh—wait, you can hear people think?"

"I mean… yeah? There's been enough going on since all the fighting stopped that I've had other stuff to pay attention to and I really don't want to since-it's-an-invasion-of-privacy-and-that's-rude-and-it'd-probably-make-people-uncomfortable—"

The man seemed to feel weird cutting off a rambling ghost. "Whoa, whoa, I'm sure most people wouldn't fault you for doing something like that, especially if you can't exactly control it. Heck, I'm not sure most people would even believe you could do it." He yawned. "Maybe we should talk about this later. I don't think I have a fourth wind."

"Didn't Dr. Maheswaran tell you to get some sleep or something?"

"…You heard that?"

"Why is that surprising? I just told you I have magical psychic ghost powers!" He let out a gentle laugh. "Wait, are you leaving? I think this thing has some sort of radius since people keep disappearing."

"Heh, no, I can stick around; this place has a fancy pullout chair and everything. I just hope they don't judge me for sleeping 'til noon or something, since it's already 6 am."

"It's 6 am?!" Steven yelled in a voice usually reserved for fictional villain reveals or square pizza.

Dad huffed a sound that seemed like a laugh, except for the fact that it sounded awfully empty. "A lot's gone on in the past few hours, bud. Maybe you should think about getting some shuteye, too. Unless… I mean, I guess your _body's_ asleep, so maybe you don't need to—"

"It probably couldn't hurt, I guess… I've tried to stay awake in other people's dreams before and it didn't end well in the real world… Maybe it's like that here?" Steven's face contorted in thought.

Dad blinked and tried to hold back a thought that maybe his kid had too many weird powers. "…Goodnight, Steven."

"'Night, Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my *best* writing, but it gets the job done.


End file.
